Friday, April 13, 2007
I Should Have Gone to the Meeting. A Novel by Nic.
Scritto da Point Dexter alle 12:56 PM
The entire time, I couldn't stop thinking,
"I could be in Oshkosh at a WRST meeting right now."
On a whim,
my buddys invited me to a Brewer's game last week.
I love Brewer's games too much
to pass an opportunity like this up
for class and a meeting.
Although, I'll use any excuse to not go to class or a meeting.
The drive down consisted of music so loud
I couldn't even hear myself singing.
It was a good pastime,
considering I was in the car with my ex for over an hour.
We finally arrived in Milwaukee,
and picked up my old roommate Jill.
God I missed her.
If we were still living together,
I bet she'd buy milk more than once a lease term.
Finally get to the game, met up with others,
and begin tailgating.
Here's the scenario:
It's below freezing outside, and the wind is whipping so hard
it knocks over bottles of rum and whiskey.
Not pleasant weather mind you,
but we were making the best of it.
Three drinks later,
Jill and I are well on our way
to getting sloshed off of our asses,
when I get this bright idea to
take straight shots of rum from the bottle.
I needed something to push me past the breaking point.
You feel me?
I basically peer pressure Jill into take a shot with me,
although it wasn't too difficult mind you.
She tilts the bottle toward the gray sky, sips a little,
and immediately vomits.
Tasty.
Being good friends, we all point and laugh at her.
*ahem*
We point and laugh with her.
She's pretty trashed at this point.
She's leaning on everybody and yelling, "I'm drunk!"
This is usually what I do, but I wasn't at that point yet.
She collapsed into the open trunk of Dom's vehicle, giggled,
and said she had to "pee."
It's time to find our seats for the game.
Sean and I hoist her up on her feet, one on each side of her,
and help her walk into the building.
She falls on the escalator.
This is the point where we should have brought her back out to the vehicle.
But we were all excited for the game at that point,
didn't want to drive to Milwaukee for nothing,
plus were pretty trashed ourselves.
Keep in mind, Jill still has to "pee."
So we get to the second floor, and I bring Jill into the bathroom with me.
We enter the handicap stall and I help her urinate.
Easier said than done.
First she collapses on the floor, says she's sleepy, and refuses to get up.
It took a ton of effort to get her pants down and on the freaking toilet.
After, she could barely stand.
I didn't want her passing out half naked on the toilet!
Thank god we were in the handicap stall.
I forced her to grab on to the handles on the side of the stall, and hoist herself up.
I got her pants up, but Jill fell down immediately afterwards.
She was out.
I slapped her face to try to bring her back,
trying to get her to cooperate with me, but to no avail.
I ran out of the bathroom, and grabbed Adam and Sean for help.
I'm a littlein' and Jill wasn't helping any.
She was dead weight.
We had to get her out of there. She's only 20.
I was ready to babysit by this point.
Adam and Sean attempted to get her out, but she was impossible.
She collapsed every time we tried to get her to walk with them.
I gave Adam her purse (with her ID) and our tickets and told them to leave.
I was planning on staying with her in the stall until she could stand.
Adam tossed his car keys to me, and left.
Like I could drive.
During this time, an attendant came into the bathroom to clean it.
She saw us, and called the first aid station
who in turn called the police.
@#$&#$&!!! I'm not 21 either!
I tried to get Jill to vomit before they got there,
hoping it would magically bring her back to life.
Of course she wouldn't.
Not until the police got there at least.
Laying spread eagle on the floor,
she turned on her side and vomited all over the stall floor.
Pregame hot dog chunks included.
The first aid people told her to stay on her side so she wouldn't choke.
She nodded and turned and shifted on her back again...
into the chunks of hotdog.
The police got there and started asking questions.
(This is where I stopped taking pictures)
The first aid crew put her on a stretcher in the back of their first aid gator vehicle.
I was trying to save my ass, and made up a dumb story about how I knew her.
Basically I said I barely knew her from high school and came with her friends.
They asked who the guy was that tossed the keys at me
(attendant squealed)
I said it was her boyfriend (my ex).
It was at this point I noticed the guys hovering around.
Keeping quiet, and keeping their cool.
I understood they didn't want to get in trouble,
but at the same time
I was kind of pissed that they left me to take responsibility.
This is where the story gets pretty retarded.
Jill is in the back of the first aid vehicle.
I'm almost wasted but trying to hide it
(the guys said I looked cool as a mother fucking cucumber.
Thank god for acting classes lol)
And there are about eight police officers hovering around me.
We're all waiting for a sign from God or something.
Apparently the first aid people can't take Jill
because its considered kidnapping.
I can't take her home
because they don't know who I am and I could be considered a kidnapper.
um...okay? Now what?
The police found her cell phone in her pocket, called her mom,
and explained the situation.
Jill's mom is cool, so I wasn't concerned about that.
The Sargent ended up giving the authority to take her to the hospital.
I, of course, wasn't allowed to go along.
Because I'm a complete stranger or some political bull shit.
So her mom had to drive all the way down from Kaukauna
(about two hours) to pick her daughter up at the hospital.
Everybody was confused.
How can someone pass out after three drinks?!
Especially someone who used to go to UW-Oshkosh?!
And has lived in Wisconsin all of her life?!?!
Apparently she hadn't eaten anything all day.
And she's on blood pressure medication.
Superfantastic.
About three hours after the fact,
Jill's blood alcohol content was a .27
"I could be in Oshkosh at a WRST meeting right now."
On a whim,
my buddys invited me to a Brewer's game last week.
I love Brewer's games too much
to pass an opportunity like this up
for class and a meeting.
Although, I'll use any excuse to not go to class or a meeting.
The drive down consisted of music so loud
I couldn't even hear myself singing.
It was a good pastime,
considering I was in the car with my ex for over an hour.
We finally arrived in Milwaukee,
and picked up my old roommate Jill.
God I missed her.
If we were still living together,
I bet she'd buy milk more than once a lease term.
Finally get to the game, met up with others,
and begin tailgating.
Here's the scenario:
It's below freezing outside, and the wind is whipping so hard
it knocks over bottles of rum and whiskey.
Not pleasant weather mind you,
but we were making the best of it.
Three drinks later,
Jill and I are well on our way
to getting sloshed off of our asses,
when I get this bright idea to
take straight shots of rum from the bottle.
I needed something to push me past the breaking point.
You feel me?
I basically peer pressure Jill into take a shot with me,
although it wasn't too difficult mind you.
She tilts the bottle toward the gray sky, sips a little,
and immediately vomits.
Tasty.
Being good friends, we all point and laugh at her.
*ahem*
We point and laugh with her.
She's pretty trashed at this point.
She's leaning on everybody and yelling, "I'm drunk!"
This is usually what I do, but I wasn't at that point yet.
She collapsed into the open trunk of Dom's vehicle, giggled,
and said she had to "pee."
It's time to find our seats for the game.
Sean and I hoist her up on her feet, one on each side of her,
and help her walk into the building.
She falls on the escalator.
This is the point where we should have brought her back out to the vehicle.
But we were all excited for the game at that point,
didn't want to drive to Milwaukee for nothing,
plus were pretty trashed ourselves.
Keep in mind, Jill still has to "pee."
So we get to the second floor, and I bring Jill into the bathroom with me.
We enter the handicap stall and I help her urinate.
Easier said than done.
First she collapses on the floor, says she's sleepy, and refuses to get up.
It took a ton of effort to get her pants down and on the freaking toilet.
After, she could barely stand.
I didn't want her passing out half naked on the toilet!
Thank god we were in the handicap stall.
I forced her to grab on to the handles on the side of the stall, and hoist herself up.
I got her pants up, but Jill fell down immediately afterwards.
She was out.
I slapped her face to try to bring her back,
trying to get her to cooperate with me, but to no avail.
I ran out of the bathroom, and grabbed Adam and Sean for help.
I'm a littlein' and Jill wasn't helping any.
She was dead weight.
We had to get her out of there. She's only 20.
I was ready to babysit by this point.
Adam and Sean attempted to get her out, but she was impossible.
She collapsed every time we tried to get her to walk with them.
I gave Adam her purse (with her ID) and our tickets and told them to leave.
I was planning on staying with her in the stall until she could stand.
Adam tossed his car keys to me, and left.
Like I could drive.
During this time, an attendant came into the bathroom to clean it.
She saw us, and called the first aid station
who in turn called the police.
@#$&#$&!!! I'm not 21 either!
I tried to get Jill to vomit before they got there,
hoping it would magically bring her back to life.
Of course she wouldn't.
Not until the police got there at least.
Laying spread eagle on the floor,
she turned on her side and vomited all over the stall floor.
Pregame hot dog chunks included.
The first aid people told her to stay on her side so she wouldn't choke.
She nodded and turned and shifted on her back again...
into the chunks of hotdog.
The police got there and started asking questions.
(This is where I stopped taking pictures)
The first aid crew put her on a stretcher in the back of their first aid gator vehicle.
I was trying to save my ass, and made up a dumb story about how I knew her.
Basically I said I barely knew her from high school and came with her friends.
They asked who the guy was that tossed the keys at me
(attendant squealed)
I said it was her boyfriend (my ex).
It was at this point I noticed the guys hovering around.
Keeping quiet, and keeping their cool.
I understood they didn't want to get in trouble,
but at the same time
I was kind of pissed that they left me to take responsibility.
This is where the story gets pretty retarded.
Jill is in the back of the first aid vehicle.
I'm almost wasted but trying to hide it
(the guys said I looked cool as a mother fucking cucumber.
Thank god for acting classes lol)
And there are about eight police officers hovering around me.
We're all waiting for a sign from God or something.
Apparently the first aid people can't take Jill
because its considered kidnapping.
I can't take her home
because they don't know who I am and I could be considered a kidnapper.
um...okay? Now what?
The police found her cell phone in her pocket, called her mom,
and explained the situation.
Jill's mom is cool, so I wasn't concerned about that.
The Sargent ended up giving the authority to take her to the hospital.
I, of course, wasn't allowed to go along.
Because I'm a complete stranger or some political bull shit.
So her mom had to drive all the way down from Kaukauna
(about two hours) to pick her daughter up at the hospital.
Everybody was confused.
How can someone pass out after three drinks?!
Especially someone who used to go to UW-Oshkosh?!
And has lived in Wisconsin all of her life?!?!
Apparently she hadn't eaten anything all day.
And she's on blood pressure medication.
Superfantastic.
About three hours after the fact,
Jill's blood alcohol content was a .27