Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Save Me
Scritto da Point Dexter alle 8:17 AM
Feeling pretty bummed today.My laundry list of things to do keeps growing. And time is ticking.
- My birthday is in seven days. I've been planning a three-day blow out for a year now. BBQ with good friends, and bar hopping events. Now I'm just planning to wing it.
That's quite the oxymoron. Can you plan to wing something?
I will be 21, but I don't feel much like partying. The previous two birthdays were monotonous. They consisted of dinner with family, a few phone calls from close friends, and not much else. I didn't expect a lot though. You learn to deal with a low number count when you have a summer birthday. Everybody is off on vacation or working 12 hour days. But that's life. - I am not ready for the school year to begin. So many things to do yet with the house. Maybe the school year will bring more progress since I wont be working as much. However my grade point average has slowly been slipping. I used to a have a 3.6 average. I'm down to a 3.0. I want to boost my grades this semester. I do need to learn how to prioritize. Last year World of Warcraft became my obsession. I'd go as far to say my religion because I worshiped it so. Things like that got in the way of the important things. The important things: Going to class. I'm paying for college, to play games. Its a cruel cycle. I'm just constantly stuck in this mindset that doing "more productive things" like playing World of Warcraft or going grocery shopping is well worth missing class.
- I feel like I'm being torn in two directions. The adult me and the kid me. I'm hoping this is all just a part of getting older. Lately I've been over analyzing every single thing I do or say. Was that immature? What if it was? What if it wasn't? Who cares? Do I care? Does that make me seem older or younger? It's driving me crazy.
I want to be myself.
I don't want to care what others think but I do. It's a sad truth, but that's the way the world works. I want to tell my boss off every day, but I wont because I need this job. I'm a different person in different environments.
But here I sit at the brink of paranoia and hold my tongue.